I designated today as a writing day, but instead I've done nothing.
This is my feeble attempt...
Just show up. Just show up. Just show up.
Blog
making every day count
I just recently got my first-ever smartphone, so as approximately 1.4 billion of you already know...this thing is handy! I love using it when I'm out at the thrift stores to check pricing and value, etc..., but the thing that I'm most excited about is...I can finally join Instagram. Yay! My handle is @thegroovybee if you want to follow along.
I am grateful for the newness of this little device, because it's given me a much needed shift in focus. My days are numbered, it seems, in the great scramble to make a life rather than a living. I am white knuckling it, working to remove obstacles (like ego and fear), and trying to make every day count. What seems most important to me now, more that anything, whether I get there or not, is to remember the trip.
dancing around the block
What would I write about in five minutes, if I gave myself five minutes time? Would I write about writer's block or fear or the fear of writer's block? Would I ramble on aimlessly about nothing just to fill the time? Does it have to make sense? Be something substantial? Would I stop right there and look up the exact meaning of the word substantial? Yes, I think I would. Is that avoidance or curiosity?
A friend and I were talking recently about the things we want out of life and why we can't seem to get there. The word 'fear' came up. I danced around it. I pretended to know about fear and how it shows up in my life...how it holds me back. I said to my friend in a voice that sounded a little too convincing, "I don't really think it's fear..." If I'm going to be honest though, it is. I know fear best in thought...the anatomy of it, how it works, how it lies and tricks us into believing that playing it safe is really a better idea. Is playing it safe, sometimes, a better idea?
I've been struggling to pick a word to focus on for 2014. There's been an internal battle going on inside of me between the word 'nurture' and words like 'go, work do!'. One side wants me to be kind and take good, loving care of myself (that's wise), the other wants to push my sorry ass out the door and into the big scary world (hmm...also wise). Neither word is very tolerant of the other. I side with both. But which one, I ask myself, is motivated by fear? When I said to my friend, "I don't really think it's fear...", what I really meant was, "Oh, yes! It's definitely fear, but fear is so good at what it does that it won't even let me call it what it is."
Here's the trick...five minutes.
Did this make sense? Was it substantial? Who cares! I just slayed a dragon.
FEAR is my word this year.