half-pipe dreams

I don't know a lot about skateboarding, but I do know that it intrigues me.  It's an art.  It's rebellious.  It's good friends with rebellious art.  Mix that with some cool words like "ollie" and "fakie" and I want in...or really...I want to be a kid again.

I had a skateboard growing up, but I also had a gravel driveway...not such a great combination.  I know you're never too old to learn new things, but I'm starting to notice a gap between what my spirit wants and what my mind and body are actually willing to sign up for.  Plus my kids tell me that I'm not allowed to use slang.

A few weeks ago, my neighbor (whose garage is full of boards and ramps) posted a story on Facebook about two legendary skaters getting together at a gallery opening honoring the career of one of them.  Thanks to my pal, intrigue, I followed the link and while I watched the video of two people I didn't know talking about their lives in a subculture I've never been part of, I found an enormous amount of inspiration.

As I watched them setting up the gallery exhibit, I couldn't take my eyes off of the photography in the background. That was something I understood.  I fell in love with the work of one of the photographers in particular and I found this video on his website...

Through the Eyes of Brian Gaberman from Michael Baca on Vimeo.

I wanted to jump through my monitor and use that camera, play around in that darkroom, and live on that farm.

I followed a trail of bread crumbs that initially had very little to do with me and I found my heart's desire.

There was a time when seeing what others had would only remind me of what was missing from my life, but I don't feel that way anymore, nor do I really want to be a kid again.  I finally trust that what I have and where I am are enough.  When I stumble on things that light me up, whether on purpose or by accident, I consider them beacons...a place to point my ship...instead of just mere yearnings.

If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders...

Dude.

the awkward second post

As a kid, I remember going back to school after summer vacation and completely forgetting how to use my pencil. That's what this feels like.  What am I doing here again?  Please bear with me while I figure it out.

I watched a really good video the other day...Ira Glass on storytelling.  Have you seen it?  It's a great message of the fail fast, fail often variety.  It's the kind of stuff that keeps me going, especially right here, right now.  I'm here to fail and it's refreshing to admit that.  Onward through the gap!

I'm sad to see summer come to an end, because with it goes the garage sales.  Last Friday I sat in someone's garage on their old, unsold furniture and chatted for, what felt like, hours.  I fell in love with their dog "Beefy".  When I left, they walked me to the curb, both of us saying how nice it was to meet each other.  

I exchanged my phone number with three other people, at different times, after discussing stuff like autism, farming, and Polaroid cameras.  I found some really good deals, but at the end of the day I was high on the people.  It filled me up and made me brave. Thanks people! 

I went to visit the house I feel I'm meant to live in, but it's a far, far reaching thing.  For now I'm just going to work on taking one awkward baby step after the other.